


I Could Be Your Love Song

by Nyxierose



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Developing Relationship, F/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-06
Updated: 2014-08-06
Packaged: 2018-02-12 00:11:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2088276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nyxierose/pseuds/Nyxierose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Marcus Kane fails at emotions, pines for twenty-odd years, and finally makes progress with the woman he loves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Could Be Your Love Song

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "When You Sleep" by Mary Lambert.

In some way, you fall in love with her the very day you see her. She is fifteen years old - three younger than you, not that it matters - and newly assigned to the medical area as a trainee. You've been stuck on guard duty there for months now, something about keeping you out of too much trouble and how dead Captain Alvers would be if you _did_ get hurt and your mother got her claws on him, and honestly… you're bored. You are surrounded by an unpredictable nightmare of a space and you are _bored_. And then there is her, a shining light in this waste, and all is right with the world.

(You should've told her then and there that you think she's the most beautiful thing you've ever seen, but you're not that brave. You'll never be that brave.)

Her name is Abby Grant and you fall harder for her the moment she starts talking to you, a couple of hours later. Unlike some of the medical trainees, she actually _wants_ to be there. She wants to save people and make the world better, and there's such hope in her brown eyes when she says that and you want her to have every chance to do what she will. Considering your primary reason for joining the Guard was to compensate for your mother's reputation, you're almost jealous. Abby is light and life, she sees something worth saving in you, and you will never quite let go of those first instincts about her.

Through some twist of fate, you become friends, and it's this little action that ends up being your downfall. You slip into each other's social circles easily enough, and about three months after she enters your life, you introduce her to one of your friends who's in Engineering. In hindsight, this is the biggest mistake of your life.

It would've been easier to cut off then, but you are nearly nineteen and slightly masochistic and so you stand back and watch. You try to date other girls, but none of them quite make sense to you the way she does. And yet you aren't inclined to ruin anyone's happiness, so you never say a thing. Not even the day two years later when she tells you that she and Jake are to be married, because she's the happiest she's ever been and the only thing you can think to do is twirl her around as you do sometimes and tell her you're so proud of her because, feelings be damned, you _are_. She deserves happiness, and if she finds that in someone else's arms, you'll deal. Somehow.

It stings more than anything, and try as you might to control your reactions, you become cold. Blessedly, no one ever figures out the reason you are what you are. It's only natural for one in your position to become jaded, especially as you rise through the ranks and are eventually given a place on the Council,  and your practicality serves a purpose - especially, much as you hate to think it, once _she_ is given a position alongside you. Of course she is. She is still so optimistic and tenacious - married ten years now, a seven-year-old daughter who is grown-up before her time, still kind and delicate because that is who Abby _is_. Your old feelings resurface, but you keep them under control. She's married to someone who used to be your best friend before life pulled you apart, and even you aren't that heartless.

Another nine years, you try to play nice, you fail more often than not. You bring out something in her that you never thought you'd see, something harsh and almost dangerous. She hates you, or at least she claims to and you're pretty sure that woman can't lie to save her life. Which is your undoing, because one moment everything is all nice and calm and the next you have orders to arrest her husband for treason. You know how this ends. You won't pretend there will be survivors. The kid - 16 now, definitely takes after her father - is caught in the crossfire, but you try to do what you can. If the girl's going to be in solitary until she gets floated on her eighteenth, as you're pretty sure will be the case, someone might as well make sure she has pencils and gets treated like a human being. Not that you do any of that yourself, but you make sure it _is_ done. Just enough people are just scared enough of you, and it's nothing world-ending…

"You're a monster," Abby hisses at you whenever she gets the chance. She does not grieve, or if she does then she does it quietly and on her own time. The Council meets more often in light of the new information, and you propose drastic plans that are always shot down by that infuriating woman. Sometimes you think you do it for that reason alone, because the only time she shows any emotion is when she's two heartbeats from pinning you to a wall and not in the fun way either. You'd like to see her genuinely happy again, but you'll settle for anger if that's easier to find. (It shouldn't be, but it always is.)

You push and you push until the day comes when you can go no further, when the ship she is believed to be on crashes to the ground in what you can only assume was a fiery blaze and yet that is the last thing on your mind because everything else is going wrong around you. Out of all the ways you could possibly die, freezing to death because that _bitch_ Diana Sydney took one final chance to fuck everything up is… not exactly your preferred method. You're not going to die like this, you _can't_ die like this. The woman who made you something closer to human is probably dead a thousand miles from where you are, but she is the only thing you can think of as you fight for survival. You should've told you how you felt - you never outright did, and you doubt she saw through your defenses, and she probably died thinking she had no one. She was wrong. She had you. (However little that actually is at the moment.)

Somewhere along the line, it hits you. The service bay that didn't disconnect, the likelihood that there's still _someone_ in there, the even smaller chance that it's _her_ … you have to try. Never mind that the ventilation shaft is barely big enough for a person your size and the hottest environment you've ever been, you have to _try_. Even if she's not there, maybe someone else is. It's what _she_ would do, and that's enough to push you.

The cold of the bay is almost welcome after the last few minutes of scorching heat, but you can't pause to think about that because there are _people_ around you. Most still alive too - you're surprised by that, you shouldn't be - maybe not all of them lucid at the moment but they're at least breathing and that's a start. And there, slumped against a wall, is your reason for living. You dart towards her as if pulled by a magnet, her name the only sound your mouth can make, collapsing beside her and pulling her body against yours.

"M-marcus?" Her voice is soft, she needs water and clean air, but she's _alive_. "How did…?"

"You're alive," you whisper, pressing your lips to her forehead because you have to do _something_. "You're alive."

"Shouldn't be."

You want to tell her how wrong she is, how she deserves to survive more than anyone else you've ever known because she has always been right about everything, but you can't. Not now, not like this. You have never felt more in love than you do now, but you settle for your arms around her waist and her head leaning on your shoulder and the comforting rhythms of her body learning to match yours. Feelings can wait until you're less overwhelmed by it all.

When the final day comes, there is no question of what space you'll take. It's decided that the significant people should spread out, in light of no one knowing which parts of the Ark will survive the landing and which will explode, but there is no problem in you following Abby where she ends up. Somewhere between the old Council chambers and the hold, she takes your injured hand and doesn't let go even when you're curled up next to each other and it's the most calming thing you've ever felt. You want to tell her that, but you can't, the words won't come. Maybe they never will. In an hour or so, you'll either be dead or on the ground, and if by some miracle you survive… maybe.

She won't let you be a martyr, you realize, though she knows better than anyone how much you have to atone for. She doesn't try to stop you, just looks at you with sad longing eyes and for a moment you wonder if she's felt the same things you've spent the last twenty years trying to _stop_ feeling but… no, you can't hope. Not now. Even when it turns out your attempt is futile - if by some chance you ever see Jaha again, you're going to have a Talk with him about how much of a self-sacrificing bastard he is - you can't let yourself think you saw love in her eyes. Not towards you. She's better than that. She has always been and will always be better than that, and yet no one else will ever be enough for you. Ah well, you always did think you'd die alone…

"We're not dead." The words slip out of your mouth all too easily, the smile on your face brighter than anything as it sets in that you are alive and still safely beside the only person who matters to you. "We're not dead."

She reaches out and squeezes your uninjured hand, smiling right back at you. "We're home."

You follow her once more, up a ladder and onto the roof of the station, and the view is breathtaking. You knew it would be, but the photographs never did Earth enough justice. There is so much you don't know, a dangerous new world… but there is _her_ , still holding your hand, and you never thought you'd find such meaning in innocence but you've never correctly predicted anything when it comes to her. And she is radiant against this backdrop, more than you've ever seen, you want to ink this in your mind forever and…

"Why are you staring at me?" she asks, tilting her head towards you.

"You're beautiful," you reply, mouth working faster than brain at the worst possible time.

"I've been waiting too long for you to say that."

"You were married for most of that time."

"I know, and I did love Jake. He made me better. But there was a chance before him, a chance after, and yet…"

"You're too good for me." Damning words under the circumstances, but true, never truer than the last few days. She is a storybook princess; you, though less forceful than you once were, remain unworthy.

"I'm surprised that's what stopped you," she laughs. And then she takes another step towards you, leans in, and kisses you. She is soft and warm and yet just forceful enough, and you let her do what you will because this is her choice. This is what she wants, looking at you with eyes that are _definitely_ full of love, fingers entwined with yours and it all feels so right. This is your idea of perfection made real.

"So you…"

"I've thought about it. I've spent time trying _not_ to think about it. But after everything… it's been too long, you know me better than anyone else does… if you want to try to be something, I would say yes."

"If it's what you want."

"Of course it is." She kisses you again, this time deeper, and you could easily get addicted to the taste of her mouth and the feeling of her body nestled against yours. "We could be good for each other, start over."

"You're already good enough for me."

"I know. And you're not a monster, Marcus. I know I said that so many times in anger, but…"

"It's alright. I deserved it."

"Can we get back to the part where you kiss me?"

As if you could ever say no to her…


End file.
